Newsflash: Farts are intrinsically funny

The boy is 2.

Somehow, someway, he has come to the conclusion that farts are funny.

I never reinforced farting as being funny. In fact, whenever he does it, I make him say "excuse me." Notwithstanding, he has come to his own conclusion that farts are funny. E.g., whenever he takes a bath, he will squat down to wet his butt, stand up and fart. You see, the water on the butt augments the "flap-flap-flap-flap" sound of farting. After letting a nice one loose, he will laugh and say "I fawted," and laugh again. This has led me to the conclusion that farts are intrinsically funny.

Not funny because they are socially unacceptable. Not funny because of the fact they display a level of irreverence. Not funny because of whatever name is given to them in whatever language is being spoken.

Farts are funny in and of themselves.

Accordingly, I submit the following Kantian Maxim:

Pepedi ergo rideo.

I fart, therefore I laugh.

As a result, think of the most ornery, foul-tempered, misanthrope you can imagine. This person, because they eat, they fart. Because they fart, they laugh.

How to annoy me

Pull out a nail clipper and start clipping your fingernails on the PATH train.

Bonus points:

When a couple go astray, do the "wipe the front of your shirt" move normally reserved for crumbs of food.

Getting something out of the way.

Shit and Shinola, while superficially similar in appearance, are entirely distinct in their function; only one is good for polishing shoes.