Do you smell something?

Apparently, a Japanese cinema showing The New World will screen the Coin Farrell movie in "Smellovision" to "enhance" the viewing experience. Seven smells will be emitted by machines placed under seats at the back of the theatre, depending on what kind of scene is playing during the film at the time.

Thankfully, Farrell's sex tape will not be released the same way.

This idea is laughable. Just laughable.

Imagine Blazing Saddles in this format?

Want some beans Mr. Taggert? I'd say you'd had enough.


And so have I.

A Novel Idea

I have just learned that a remake of Sharkey's Machine is in the works.

Other remakes that are being/have been released are The Amityville Horror, The Omen, The Hills Have Eyes, When A Stranger Calls, Day of the Dead and The Wild Bunch (just to name a few).

These movies were really good the first time around. Why are they being remade? Remember "It's all for you Damien! CRASH, (swinging rope sound)"? Does someone actually think they can make that scene better? Zombies do not have to run in order to be scary. In fact, when they are slow and shambling, they can be scarier (and the metaphor of Zombie movies makes more sense). When A Stranger Calls does not work when you tell me the calls are coming from inside the house in the commercial. I have not seen the new The Hills Have Eyes, but, I am sure it is just the latest installment in the recent trend of bland remakes. Listen really hard for a moment....... you know what the sound is? That is the sound of a moment of silence in Heaven because Wild Bunch is being re-made.

Miami Vice, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeanie, Dukes of Hazzard, Herbie, and a bunch more that I can not think of off the top of my head are all movies/t.v. shows that were either good the first time, or good the first time in my memory. Either way, they did not have to be remade.

I have a novel idea....

Why doesn't Hollywood remake movies that actually were BAD?

I am SURE Deuce Bigalo could be made into a better movie. Not a sequel using the same format, but, an honest attempt to make the first one better. There were too many things wrong with Catwoman to mention. Can't we give that movie another try? While I am in the comic genre, they have tried two Punishers. I think three times might be the charm (however, this time, don't try and sell Rebecca Romijn as a homeless woman who is down on her luck. When you are that attractive, you are never down on your luck). What about Manos, Hands of Fate? I am sure that someone could take that turkey and turn it into something good. One more word on this thought: Showgirls.

Let's go Hollywood... try something different. If the idea was good enough to give it a go the first time around, the idea must be good enough to make it better the second time around.

One more thing, if anyone THINKS of redoing The Searchers, I am going postal.

Do you hear me? That movie is off limits.

Double take...

There I am, sitting in my cushy office, when I happen to glance out of my window... lo and behold, it was snowing. Not "snowing" in the sense of "there are some crystallized water flakes dropping down from the sky", but, snowing in the sense that "I can not see the building across the street from me".

It is April 5th.

I will be the first to go on record to blame this on El Nino, la nina, global warming, plastics, bovine flatulence, Hummers (the car, not the non-sexual sexual act), oil exploration in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, dihydrogen monoxide, the Freemasons, the Illuminati, the Rosicrucians, the Montauk Project, the Islamic-Fascist Axis and Greys.

Life is a bell curve folks, sometimes you are in the 99.99th percentile.

P.S. If anyone out there can tell me how to do the "tilde" thing over the n, I would be much obliged.

Dear iPod...

Dear iPod:

For Christmas, my wife (yes, my WIFE) brought you into my life, a shiny, black, 60GB iPod. My name is inscribed right on your back. At first, things were nice with my 308 songs. Then, by hook and by crook, I managed to arm you with 10038 songs. Things were grand as we rode the New Jersey Coastline with me humming along. In fact, once, I unconsciously sang out loud on the train. However, over the past couple of weeks, I am beginng to fear you think I am a gay man (of course, not that there's anything wrong with that).

I recognize that there are several up-tempo dance songs on my playlist, along with a few Madonna, Hall and Oates and R.E.M. tracks. However, I am curious why, whenever I choose the shuffle mode, you select these type songs, and these songs only, to play. While a Madonna song might inspire memories from my youth, I don't need four (yes, FOUR) consecutive songs by her. And yes, while the Pet Shop Boys are fun in their own little way, they are on the list because my WIFE (yes, I am happilly married in a heterosexual relationship) owns one of their CDs. Accordingly, I don't really want to hear "West End Girls" every morning. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence. However, as of late, I have been wondering if perhaps you think I spend my entire day singing and dancing around my house like Hank Azaria in The Birdcage or like Ellen on that annoying American Express commercial.

To be honest, I really don't dance and sing that much, unless it is with my daughter (and that is only to Old School Rap songs, Waltzes or anything on Noggin), and sometimes just like to listen to a lugubrious song by Nirvana. Anyway, if there is any chance you could include a little Alice in Chains, Hank Williams Sr., Art Brut, Soundgarden, N.W.A. (with Ice Cube though) or even some good ol' Black Sabbath next time you choose the mix, I would be very appreciative.

Very truly yours,

-Your Loyal Listener