In a real double bind...

So, there I am, at the Monmouth Beach fair with my loving daughter who is really excited about just about everything we are doing. She sees a stuffed animal she wants. It is a prize at the "water gun" game where, for those of you who have recently come out from under a rock, you shoot a little stream of water, from a water pistol, into a target area while other contestants attempt to do the same. The contestant who shoots the target with the most efficiency, in an allotted time period, wins a prize.

I figure I have this stuffed animal locked. I mean, I qualified as an expert marksman, still keep up my shooting skills, and, well, am going up against a bunch of kids and a house frau. Might as well give me the Elvis-monkey (the stuffed animal in question) before we even start!

My daughter, who is not even two, is saying "monkey...monkey" and I am going to get it for her dammit.

Then, with my peripheral vision, I see a final contestant take the slot next to me. I leer over like Clint Eastwood... and there she is, the final contestant who will pay their two bucks to be beat by me....

and... she is a little girl, maybe about ten...

and she is in a wheelchair.

From my left ear: "monkey! monkey"

From my right eye: ten year-old girl in a wheelchair.

Seeing me leering over, the little girl asks: "Hi, how are you today?"

"Fine." I reply, not asking how she is doing because her reply might rightly be: "considering I am a little girl in a wheelchair and you are going to prevent me from winning this game, not so peachy."

one breath

"monkey"

one breath

little girl in a wheelchair

half a breath

"EVERYBODY ON THEIR MARKS!"

Time stands still.

Some would say that I am in a real "Catch-22". However, I think that would be something of a misuse of the term as a "Catch-22" describes a situation in which an individual has to accomplish two actions which are mutually dependent on the other action being completed first. (e.g. to get a job, you need job experience, but, to get job experience, you need a job). Others might say I have a "Hobson's choice", however, that is incorrect as well because a "Hobson's choice" is a false choice (e.g. you can have a Model T in any color you want, so long as it is black.") The best way to describe this situation is a "double bind."

Loosely speaking, a double bind occurs when the following hold true:

Because of the nature of my situation:
I must (or cannot) do X.
I must (or cannot) do Y, which conflicts with X.
Any commentary on the absurdity or untenability of the situation being forbidden.

Thus, the essence of a double-bind is two irreconcilable and conflicting demands, neither of which can be ignored, which leave me torn both ways in such a way that whichever demand they try to meet, the other demand cannot be met.

That was me. Do I satisfy the "monkey" or let the girl in a wheelchair win?

Weighing the options, a little voice in my head wanted to exclaim "mu!" and walk away from the contest.

GO!!!!

Since my finger was already on the trigger, the water started hitting the target from the get go, the little girl mistakenly thought you should pull the trigger after the start. I was going to win.

"monkey!"

I watched as the indicators of who was winning raised vertically along the board in front of me. I was beating everyone.

Then, without even knowing why, my finger went off the trigger.

I threw it and I sighed in relief.

However, when the final bell sounded, the little girl did not win, it was some brat who started pounding his chest like he was some WWE star and calling his friends, and by association the rest of us who lost, losers.

The girl did not seem upset at all. Rather, she seemed to accept the loss with more grace than I would have... "Oh well" she said, and gave me a smile. Not a fake smile performed out of courtesy, but a real smile that conveyed a sense of wishing me real well being. I smiled back, a real smile, that I hoped conveyed an appreciation for someone actually conveying real emotion with a facial gesture rather than merely pretending to have it.

"monkey?"

My heart sinks. "No, honey, no monkey." How about we go on the choo-choo?

Dropping the idea of the monkey like a hot potato, my daughter exclaims: "CHOO-CHOO!!!" and off we go.

On the way to the train, I was trying to contemplate what the life lesson was here.

Then I thought about the little girl, unfazed by the loss at the contest, who managed to convey a real feeling of kindness in her smile.

Then it came to me, the lesson to be learned is that life is not as serious as I sometimes make it out to be.