BLAM!

And...just like that... we have a new plotline.

The Coolest picture you will see today.

This is a picture of the recent ice/snow storm, in the North East.

That is pretty cool.

I have seen it now

Glad to see Lennox is not a heel after all (I called it).

Sad to see DB Woodside still can't act.

Glad to see Boris the Bullet dodger.

Sad to see Rena Sofer's character be such an idiot.

Glad to see Jack has not lost his sense of humor ("point and shoot").


Sad to see Jack so willing to give up his life when there are three bombs on the loose (I think this is out of character).

Glad to see Morris and Chloe acting really human (seriously, Chloe was becoming a one-trick pony).

Sad to see ANOTHER plot to kill the president.

REALLY FRICKING GLAD to see Charles Logan.

What can I say? My feelings were mixed with this episode. However, I can say that this season has still not gripped me the way I thought it would.

I hate my DVR

Thats right.... 12 minutes left in the two-hour show and I run out of recording space.

Anyone care to fill me in?

Review of 300

Normally, I do not get sucked into reading reviews because they invariably ruin my movie experience. However, I read this one and have posted it here sheerly for its poetic value:

I just saw a movie that’ll give your eyes boners, make your balls scream and make you poop DVD copies of THE TRANSPORTER. It’s called 300. I don’t know what the title has to do with the movie, but they could’ve called it KITTENS MAKING CANDLES and it’d still rule. It’s about these 300 Greek dudes who stomp the sugar-coated shit out of like a million other dudes. I have a feeling that a lot of high school sports coaches are going to show this film to their teams before they play. Also, gay dudes and divorced women are going to use screen captures for computer wallpaper.

The movie takes place about a million years ago, and it’s sort of like a prequel to SIN CITY. Except way less guns and cars but twice as much skull splitting. If you watch this movie and go into a Taco Bell, and say to the cashier, “I need some extra sauce packets” guess what? You’re getting twenty sauce packets because your face will punch him in the brain.

I can’t spoil the plot because THANK GOD THERE ISN’T ONE. Just ass kicking that kicks ass that, while said ass is getting kicked, is kicking yet more ass that’s hitting someone’s balls with a hammer made of ice but the ice is frozen whiskey.

TWO COOL THINGS ABOUT THE MOVIE AND ONE THING I DIDN’T LIKE:

COOL THING ONE:HEAVY METAL DURING BATTLE SCENES
Who gives a shit if the music isn’t historically correct? LORD OF THE RINGS could’ve used some Journey. This movie has that chu-CHUNG kind of metal that you hear in your head when your shift supervisor at Wetzel’s Pretzel is telling you that you’ll have to stay for clean up and you wish you had a sock filled with quarters in your hand.

COOL THING TWO:FOES, MINI-BOSSES AND A BIG BOSS
Basically, the Greek dudes are fighting these Persian dudes, but the director, who must have a dick made of three machine guns, does it all like a video game. The Greeks fight every death metal video from the last ten years. There’s wave after wave of giants, freaks, ninjas, mutants, wizards, and a hunchback who looks like he’s got Rosie O’Donnell on his back.

Would I have been happy if Dom DeLuise from HISTORY OF THE WORLD, PART I had shown up? Maybe, but this movie more than makes up for that glaring oversight.

NOT SO GOOD THING:DUDE NUDITY (“DUDE-ITY”)
These are Greek times, when there were a lot of naked women around. And there are some naked women in this film, but almost every naked woman scene has a muscular dude giving the screen an ass picnic. Dude-ity is something directors put in their movies so people will think they’re serious, I guess, and not just throwing in naked hotties.

Any directors reading this – IT’S OKAY TO JUST THROW IN NAKED HOTTIES. Can’t someone make a movie about naked Amazons and call it PAUSE BUTTON?

My final analysis is 300 the most ass-ruling movie I’ve seen this year, and will probably be the King of 2007 unless someone makes a movie where a pair of sentient boobs fights a werewolf.

"...but the ice is frozen whiskey." That is just gold.

I was probably going to see this anyway, but now, I have to.

Happy Birthday President Reagan

On January 20, 1981, Ronald Wilson Reagan became the 40th President of the United States.

He championed “a great new beginning” for America – one grounded upon our Founding Principles, unlimited by burdensome government, and sustained by the belief, that no matter how arduous or complex the challenge, America’s best days always lie ahead.

When inaugurated 26 years ago, few doubted his political beliefs and personal optimism. Many questioned his ability. Yet, eight years later, his Presidency, that sought to change a nation, had changed a world. And, over a quarter century later, the depth of his acknowledge and the clarity of his vision are continually unfolding.

From his immortal speech at the Brandenbug Gate befre the people of the City of West Berlin, June 12, 1987:

In the 1950's, Khrushchev predicted: "We will bury you." But in the West today, we see a free world that has achieved a level of prosperity and well-being unprecedented in all human history. In the Communist world, we see failure, technological backwardness, declining standards of health, even want of the most basic kind -- too little food. Even today, the Soviet Union still cannot feed itself. After these four decades, then, there stands before the entire world one great and inescapable conclusion: Freedom leads to prosperity. Freedom replaces the ancient hatreds among the nations with comity and peace. Freedom is the victor.

Today is his birthday. Viva la Reagan Revolution!

Requiscat in Pace, Graem Bauer

He had more stones than anyone gave him credit for.

Not only will he be missed, but, I found a new respect for him.

I do not want to hear any "b-b-but... he is just as bad as the terrorists!" nonsense either.

Perhaps, someday, we will see the true extent of the conspiracy as I never did buy the whole oil lines in Central Asia thing.

Side note, the whole thing with the pixilated picture was RIGHT from "No Way Out" with Kevin Costner.

One more thing... DB Woodside is not a very good actor. His facial ticks are an amateurish attempt to look pained. He really takes me out of the moment.

Couple notes about Super Bowl XLI

Pre-Game - The pre-game show could not have been any gayer. It was like the Summer Olympics were being held in San Francisco, but broadcast in French by Andy Dick. I would not have been surprised if, at some point, some "guy" went flying across the screen with a rainbow streaming from his ass. In fact, I think I saw that out of the corner of my eye.

NFL, for the future, the Super Bowl should be an event whereby Americans make the rest of the world tremble with fear at our love of things violent, militaristic and dripping with jingoism. The way this thing went down, next year we are going to need polar bears with metal claws and wild stallions with adamantium antlers fused into their skulls fighting to the death to make up for lost ground. When the Thunderbirds did their fly-over, I wondered how cool it would have been if they came a little earlier and dropped some cluster munitions on the pre-game show. When that didn't happen, I actually wished the Super Bowl was held in Philly. Those Cirque de Soleil faeries would have been sent running from the field, with size D batteries sticking out of their heads. Now that I think about it, I think that should be next years pre-game show.

Katie Couric - How did this venomous "V" (think 1980s t.v.) find her way into my high holy day's line up? I half expected her to get caught eating a guinea pig in between segments.

The Game - While not exactly the best game in terms of execution and style, I'll be damned if it was not one of the more exciting ones in a while. I used to think it should be held in a dome each year. Screw that. Next year, I want rain machines and wind tunnels.

Rex Grossman looks like he is trying to throw a ball to Jupiter when he tries to go deep.

Peyton Manning is a cyborg. A goofy cyborg that goes "aw, shucks" instead of "fuck you, asshole." I am willing to bet $100 that Payton was in bed last night before 12:00 and, before he rested his tired eyes, he looked up at the Colts pennant on his wall and gave himself a little pump-fisted "yes!" under his Colts blanket before saying his prayers.

The "black coach" thing - Frankly, I did not want to hear about it. No, not because I am some sort of racist jerk-off. Rather, I long for the day that a great coach, who happens to be black, can just be a "great coach" instead of a "great black coach." You know, that whole "content of their character" thing?

My Boy is a Chinese Acrobat

Seriously.

The boy is approaching his first birthday. This is roughly about the time when he will transform from a creature that eats, craps, cries, whines, eats and craps some more into a little person that I can do things with. However, already, he has demonstrated the physical acuity of Jackie Chan.

I have seen him crawl up three stairs, reach the gate that blocks further progression up those stairs, climb the gate (yes, I said climb the Goddamn gate) using his hands and toes (not just using his toes, but, clenching the Goddamn mesh in between his big toe and the second toe (you know, the piggie who stayed home)), look back over his shoulder and, with a pregnant pause for dramatic effect, launch himself into the Goddamn air backwards, spin in mid air and land on all fours with the flat "twhap" sound that Olympic Judo practitioners work a lifetime to achieve.

All this he does with the nonchalance of an NBA all-star performing a standard lay-up in pre-game warm-ups.

The first time this happened, I was almost in too much shock to think about it. Now, as with all things in parenting, I have grown accustomed to it and even grade him on his performance. I gave his his highest mark when he managed to spin his body about 120 degrees from the plane created by the gate.

I better get myself down to fighting weight before this kid fully transforms or I am going to pay for it.