Mock Draft - Countries- Round Three

Third Round

TC: I waited until the draft came back to me before really laboring through my comments on the other rulers' choices. But now the time has come.

China: I wrestled with the idea of choosing them first. However, although they may be the largest army on earth, they are not nearly the strongest one. They are poorly trained and equipped. Its 8,500 tanks are slow, small and out-of-date. The 4,000 fighter planes in the Chinese air force are mostly from the 1960s and 1970s and lack modern avionics. Its navy's 61 submarines and 54 surface ships are capable of little more than coastal patrols.

In addition, the Chinese military forces are obligated with enormous responsibilities in defending the country's thousands upon thousands of kilometers of boundaries and coastlines. All this while being subject to military weapons sales restrictions from the United States. While Japan, Britain, Israel and Australia, all allies of the United States, can buy the most advanced weapons directly from the United States and share the latest military purpose software, China has to develop all this on its own. (Although, Emperor D***** may have tempered the significance of this issue with his acquisition of Japan). For these reasons I shied away from China. However, there is something to be said for the idea that you put 100 rifles on the ground and then put 100 men behind each one of them.

Germany: An excellent pick! Although, I wonder what Kaiser K***** will due with the skinhead uprisings against the immigrant population. Hmm, how does one quell riots?

Russia: Historically, another solid choice. Tradition adds to the luster of the pick. However, there are issues here as well. If Sparta Novo plans on making a move on Kaiser K*****'s territories, shouldn't it first deal with the various itstans of the former Soviet Union? Uniting the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics is a tall order. At least JS's communist blood will finally run proud!

France: France? France? Ok, Sparta Novo is clearly trying to position itself to take over all of Europe. There may be a plan to "relocate" the indigenous French population. However, it appears that the women will remain. Doesn't Sparta Novo appreciate the history of this land? Many cultures have invaded France throughout the years. It falls like a house of cards. However, the French culture still remains! Its snooty, annoying, condescending, pansy-ass culture is like a weed that cannot be killed! Me thinks that this will be Sparta Novo's version of the "War on Drugs." A battle that in theory is valiant, will nevertheless be fruitless!

South Africa: Apparently Kaiser K***** likes racial/nationalistic strife! While a remarkably good choice from an economic standpoint. South Africa has rich mineral resources. It is the world's largest producer and exporter of gold and platinum and also exports a significant amount of coal. The value-added processing of minerals to produce ferroalloys, stainless steels, and similar products is a major industry and an important growth area. The country's diverse manufacturing industry is a world leader in several specialized sectors, including railway rolling stock, synthetic fuels, and mining equipment and machinery.

In addition, South Africa's major trading partners include the United Kingdom, the United States, Germany, Italy, Belgium, China, and Japan. Certainly diplomatic ties between Kerwin and Dillon is looking good.

Now the bad. And when we say bad, we mean really bad! Kaiser K***** acknowledged the HIV issue in South Africa, but his spin doctors ignore the seriousness. South Africa is one of the countries most affected by HIV with more than 6 million HIV infected individuals. Nearly 20% of the 15-49 year old population is infected and in parts of the country up to 40% of women of child-bearing age are infected. Maybe Kaiser K***** plans on using South Africa as a slave colony to funnel money to the motherland?

Japan: Another excellent choice! A great compliment to China. Emperor Dillon is definitely seeking balance while trying to limit his weaknesses. Kudos!

TC Third Pick: Vatican City

With my last pick I thought about the sheer numbers of China. I was going to take India figuring that300,000,000 less people is merely a drop in the bucket. Then I had a better idea. I decided to pick a small country that exercise great powerover many. As such, with my last pick I choose to acquire VaticanCity. Although it is a landlocked sovereign city-state whose territory consists of a walled enclave within the city of Rome,it is still the smallest independent nation in the world. To demonstrate itspower as the center of the Roman Catholic church, here is a list of RomanCatholic countries:

1)Andorra, 2)Argentina, 3)Austria, 4)Belgium, 5)Belize, 6)Bolivia, 7)Brazil, 8)Burundi, 9)Chile, 10)Colombia, 11)Congo, Democratic Republic of the, 12)Congo, Republic of the, 13)Costa Rica, 14)Croatia, 15)Dominica, 16)Dominican Republic, 17)East Timor, 18)Ecuador, 19)El Salvador, 20)France, 21)Grenada, 22)Guatemala, 23)Haiti, 24)Honduras, 25)Hungary, 26)Ireland, 27)Italy, 28)Kiribati, 29)Liechtenstein, 30)Lithuania, 31)Luxembourg, 32)Malta, 33)Mexico 34)Micronesia, Federated States of, 35)Monaco, 36)Nicaragua, 37)Panama, 38)Paraguay, 39)Peru, 40)Philippines, 41)Poland, 42)Portugal, 43)Rwanda, 44)Saint Lucia, 45)San Marino, 46)Seychelles, 47)Slovakia, 48)Spain, 49)Uruguay and 50)Venezuela.

Invade the HolySee and you run the risk of pissing off a lot of other countries!

JS: Well played, Sir... however, as Pope, either you have to proclaim that priests can now have sex, or, you will never get laid again....ever.

TC: I sense a Vatican III coming.

JS: Well, considering you have done such savage violence to the time-honored historical and spiritual epicenter of the Catholic world by proclaiming yourself as Pope... I guess I just have to find the true Pope Benedict XVI and have him set up a new shop in Avignon. Antipope TC... I like the sound of that. My France pick is really picking up steam as the "sleeper" pick of the draft.

TC: Whatever gets you to sleep as night, Ruler of France…

JS: And by "Ruler of France" you mean Imperator of Sparta Novo, whose lands stretch across the whole of Russia, who has subsumed two members of the UN Security council and the G8, exerts dominion over the sixth and ninth largest economies in the world, whose nation is the number one tourist destination in the world and, now, home to the legitimate seat of the Catholic church? OK.

TC: Alas Sparta Novo is drunk with high ideas that tourism will remain high in an area where forced relocation is at hand. And his false religion?! Pleasse!

JS: So it IS true... you have set yourself up as a new Pope. You have, in effect, taken all those countries you listed and allied them with me. Spiritual power lies not with a tract of land, but, in the expanses of the soul. See? I am already beginning to sound like a spiritual leader.

TC: It was a bloodless coup.

JS: Oh... Heaven surely shines upon Antipope TC for not executing Benedict XVI upon his assumption of power.

TC: What are you talking about? Pope Benedict suffered a stroke and passed away peacefully. The College of Cardinals met and we now have Pope TC I.

JS: Not sure about that...

JD: Seems on the up and up to me... The Roman Catholic D*****ians will undoubtedly accept the new Pope. As much as the Imperator of Sparta may cry and protest, his allegations will fall on deaf ears absent evidence of a cover up.

JS: Well, last time I checked... you can not legislate the affairs of the soul. Two words for you, Falun Gong.

JD: Hey man, that’s China’s hang-up. D*****ia is fine with the Falun Gong. I can picture the photo-op now: Chairman D***** demonstrates Falun Gong meditative poses to recently released political prisoners. I’ll get the freaking Nobel Peace Prize for that.

JS: I am not saying that Falun Gong will give you trouble, I am merely using them as an example of the fact that your can not, by law, tell someone how to worship. As a result, your statement that the D*****ian Catholics will accept the Antipope TC I is somewhat lacking.

TC: Oh Sparta Novo how you are determined to be an island unto you self. Go ahead, pick Cuba. Bring the Cold War back full circle!

JD Third Pick: Brazil

While India seems like the no-brainer choice to complete the empire that I started with China and Japan, I just can’t do it. Instead, I’m going to round out the D*****ian Federation with BRAZIL. TC, say hello to your new best friend, because Brazil has the largest Roman Catholic population in the world. Obvious reasons for this choice include:

1) Rio de Janeiro – my hardworking citizens in China and Japan needs somewhere to kick back and blow off some steam and I don’t want their hard-earned Dillos (the national currency) going to France!

2) Women…enough said.

3) At least I’ll have a chance of winning the World Cup every four years; unfortunately it will be the soccer World Cup. Still, I need something I can watch on TV.

4) One of the coolest flags in the world. “Order and Progress” I like the sound of that.

Most importantly, this choice is about one thing…ETHANOL, baby! It’s the wave of the future and with Brazil under my control as part of a cartel with the US, I will have no need to play nice with the oil producing countries. Brazil is going to be THE major player in the market for Ethanol. Its not going to matter that China’s military is outdated. We’re going to scrap what we have and build new, ethanol burning super-tanks!

Third TK Pick: Saudi Arabia

I was going to take Brazil, so I will confess a nice selection by JD. Surprising that India is out there still, but really I am not impressed by the subcontinent. I am leaning in two directions right now, both have abundant oil supplies, both have significant impact on the regions they occupy, and both have a history of obeying either one man rule or a small oligarchy. I have decided that despite the greening of the world the fact is for the next 50 years oil will still dominate the world economy, therefore I am taking Saudi Arabia.

Positives

1) 25% of the worlds proven oil reserves.

2) Control of the Red Sea and Persian Gulf if properly motivated.

Negatives

1) Its a fucking desert. Really, Hot and dirty.

2) The Muslim issue. Not sure if being in control of the holy shrines is sitting on a keg of gunpowder or not.

3) History of terrorism and terrorist acts by a minority seeking change. Again, issues.

But to control the taps of this much oil that is easily extracted, I could not risk John shoring up Russia supplies with the Kingdom of Saud. This was strictly a strategic move.

To be fair, I like TC's idea behind the Vatican/Pope move but I think he overestimates the impact faith has on geopolitics. You might be able to rally people against abortion, gay marriage etc. but actual involvement in the governing of nations is minimal. The Pope may have served as a rallying point for eastern block citizens in he cold war but that was more symbolic then anything. With his England pick, I would say TC has decided to take over the weakest part of the former British Empire, if that was his plan he should have reclaimed either Canada or India instead of going for the symbolic title.

JD made three solid selections but will have limited influence outside of Asia. Brazil struggles with its infrastructure problems and South America is easily ignored. He will control Australia however, TC seems unaware of the critical trade needed between Australia and China/Japan and will find his bargaining power at trade talks very limited.

I admit that JS' sandwiching of France and Russia places Germany in a bind, I will need to cultivate strong US ties to limit his aggressions. I think the control of oil will help in that area. Plus maybe I can stabilize the mid-east with my presence.

JS: You are "not sure" if Germany being in control of the Muslim holy shrines is like sitting on a keg of gunpowder?

I am going to go ahead and say "yes" on that.

Good luck keeping that population under control. I pretty much figured we were avoiding the middle eastern countries under the unspoken agreement that any non-Muslim power exerted over that nation is doomed. Hey, I wish you the best. Good Luck, you are going to need it.

With that pick in the hopper, I am going to go with the country that TK should have taken...

JS Third Pick: Venezuela.

Venezuela has a history of accepting the lowest and most degenerate forms of government with a subservient and complacent tolerance. How well will they finally flourish under the beatific and benevolent rulership of Imperator Johannes Augustus Caesar? It will be their golden age. Also, if you check the stats, more Miss Universes have hailed from Venezuela than from anywhere else. Moreover, I figure that if the USA tolerates the crap that Chavez dishes out now because of their oil, they will tolerate my Spartification of France without a moments hesitation and, amazingly, we will become fast friends. With the final pick of Venezuela, not only have I shored up my control of the UN Security Council and placed my footprint squarely in the middle of the the G8, but, I am now a member of OPEC and have exerted my influence into both hemispheres. In an interesting turn of events, Kaiser TK and I seemingly now have some serious common interests... friend Kaiser, planning on joining me in St. Johannesburg this summer or should I meet with you at the Eagle's Nest in the Fall?