I finally saw Apocalypto
On that list better be the fact that he can direct one hell of an action movie.
quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur
Commentary: The fist bump is the preferred method of hand salutation by germophobes. As a result, it should be disfavored by the normal people of the world. Notwithstanding this fact, the fist bump remains popular among young people or old people trying to appear young, i.e. "hip". Its popularity among young people can easily be attributed to the well-documented desire of young persons to be dissuaded from adopting the mannerisms of "old people" (e.g. the common handshake). Its popularity among old people trying to look young is more complex, but, research reveals this trend has a statistically significant relation to the sales of "reunion tour" tickets. Notwithstanding the foregoing, there are limited situations in which the fist bump can be properly utilized without shame. These situations are generally limited to those in which equipment is being worn on the hands which make proper hand salutary gestures impossible (e.g. hockey games, boxing matches). However, you may always utilize this form of greeting if you are a Wonder Twin.
Rules of fist bumping:
1. If you are wearing a suit, you may only fist bump if you are drunk. Otherwise you risk being classified as "old trying to be young." As corollary to this rule, you may never fist bump during a business meeting, even if your office had adopted the "business causal" attire rules.
2. Fist bumping is forbidden in hospitals (including doctor's offices), funeral homes and houses of worship.
3. Do not fist bump the misfortune of others.
4. Do not fist bump children. Hopefully, by not passing this gesture to them, it will die out.
5. Do not offer a fist bump as an opening greeting in a job interview.
6. Women can fist bump anytime they want, especially if it violates rules 1-2, this is because when women do it, it is really cute.
7. Regardless of your feeling toward the gesture, never refuse a fist bump. Moreover, if you believe a fist bump has been offered to you in violation of any rule, the fist bump must be executed out of sight from surrounding persons. Afterward, you must inform the offending fist bump offeror as to the rules of fist bumping.
8. Do not fist bump "over" or "across" anyone unless you first offer a fist bump to that person.
9. The thumb must always remain tightly drawn in during any fist bump.
10. The force of a fist bump is directly proportional to the amount of padding you are wearing on your hand at the time of the fist bump.
While they were boys, the Spartans were not allowed to wear anything but one cloak. No shoes, no underwear, and no additional clothes were permitted -- even in winter. They slept in their military groups, on reeds they plucked at the river with their own hands. What they were given to eat was never enough, so to keep from going hungry they were forced to plan ingenious schemes to steal food. If they got caught, they got a severe whipping -- not for the moral wrong of stealing, but for the military sin of not being careful enough to avoid capture.
-Plutarch, Lycurgus, Father of Sparta
OK, the boy has more than one set of clothes, wears underwear and has shoes. Also, he has a bed. However, notwithstanding the fact that he is only fifteen months old, the boy has taken to stealing his food. I have watched him eye someone else's food basket at the beach with the shrewdness and cunning of a wolf cub. While a lesser child of non-warrior stock would walk straight up to the basket and plead for the contents, in effect, begging for his food like a common street urchin, the warrior-boy will wait until an opportune moment arrives, sneak around (i.e. outflank) the owner of the desired food, wait until they are not looking and, with a slow and steady thumb and index finger, carefully remove the item. Once in his grasp, he will "hide" it with both hands and run back to his "territory" (my chair) to eat it. He even gives me a "look what I did!" look when he gets back to his territory.
Eventually, I will have to teach him that stealing is wrong, of course. However, at this stage of the game, he is demonstrating something that can not be taught, the willingness to put one's neck out there to achieve a desired goal.
He makes me proud.
-Robert A. Heinlein, Time Enough for LoveA human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
I just don't know what to say. I am sure I will come back and write something witty about this, but, for now, I am too enamored to say or do anything. The only thing that comes to mind is that if there was a way I could dot my "i"s with hearts in this post, I would do it.
With my first pick, I feel it is important to focus on the economics to support my empire. As such, I select Australia with my first pick. Australia comprises the
mainland of the world's smallest continent, the major island of Tasmania and a number of other islands in the Southern, Indian, and Pacific Oceans. It is the world's second largest producer of diamonds (by carat) and the third largest producer of gold. In addition, tourism plays a large role in the country's economy.With the US out of the picture, I’m going to take the next closest thing to a superpower in this day and age, China. With this one pick I give myself: a steamrolling economy, billions of soldiers…er…I mean “citizens” and ample land on which to build cities in my name (D***** City, D*****onia, D***attle, San D***frisco). Now, obviously, I’m going to run into some problems due to the size of the population, but, still, the first thing I will do is get rid of the restrictions on the number of children a family can have. We will sort out any population problems as they arise (are you listening neighbors?). Last but not least, I must mention my burgeoning space program; we’ll be carving Mao’s face into the moon within the decade.
JS: Truly the Albert Pujols/Jose Reyes of the draft, surprised it fell to number two. Shocked that you would not be replacing Mao's mug with your own though. I know I would be. However, the picture would not just be my face, it would be all of me... as painted by Boris Vallejo.
JD: I agree. I love the Aussies, but I didn’t think China would fall to me at number two. I figure I’ll keep Mao around as an icon that I can point to anytime the people start getting restless. Then I can say, “Hey, is this how MAO would have reacted? I didn’t think so. Now, get back to work on my palace!”). Plus, I want to call myself Chairman D*****.
JS: Commie. Looks like the legions of Sparta Novo might have chilly relations with You.
JD: Choose wisely, my friend. Besides, we’ll be even less Communist in D*****ia than China is today. Its all about appearances.
JS: I see. Perhaps I will not be requiring water and earth from you after all.
First TK Pick: Germany
I am selecting Germany.
1) They are a highly educated society with a rich engineering and scientific history. They have some small pockets of socialists that will need to be stamped out and some collective guilt that needs to be worked through but overall they are a people that when properly led can be very productive.
2) Beer and Sausage. Really, do not underestimate that.
3) Military might. The Germans are soldiers. They are the type of soldiers that have shown brilliance in battle from both the Generals to the enlisted men. You can defend the borders and expand when needed, That's right, I am looking at you Austria, Poland, Czech and Slovakia, the Fatherland is calling. I can resist any move by that hothead leading Sparta Novo and I have the diplomatic skill to broker an alliance with my Asian friends under Chairman D******. Watch out if JS takes Russia.
4) Football. No I mean it, American Football, the Germans are the only country in Europe to take to the NFL, these people are intelligent I tell you.
5) The Eagles Nest. http://www.eagles-nest.de/en/kehlsteinhaus.php?navid=1 Are you kidding me? Have you seen this place? Man it is worth taking this Country just for the Bavarian Retreat.
6) Octoberfest. See #2
7) I think I can learn German, really, it is not that far from English.
8) I would be a Kaiser, Kaiser K*****.
9) They hate the French.
10) Finally, Germany is Europe, you can take your France and Russia, but you will know the only reason to have selected them is because you want Germany.
JS First Pick: Russia
With my first pick to live under the noble crimson Lambda of Sparta Novo, I am taking Russia.
1) Historically, attacking Rus is suicide. Any attack on my soil will be dealt with by the three old and reliable Generals of all Russian battles: General Winter, General Snow and General Spring thaw. The Russian people fight like rabid put bulls on steroids and Viagra in the winter and Mother Rus herself swallows tracked vehicles whole in the spring. A pick for Russia is a pick for absolute security.
2) Russia is the second largest oil-producing nation in the world. That means something (I am looking at YOU, my long-time and honored ally D*****ia, with your burgeoning, yet oil-dependant, economy.)
3) Vodka and Pierogies. An important part of ANY nutritious breakfast.
4) St. Johannesburg. (nee St. Petersburg) the Versailles of the East, it is truly a splendor.
5) Variety. I have skiing in the North, beaches in the South, lush fields in the West and Gulags (COUGH) "scenic redevelopment communities" in the East.
6) Hot women. Some of the hottest in the world. Who can discount this factor?
7) Pan-Slavonic unity. Rodina Mat' Zovyot!!! my Czech, Slovak, Bulgarian, Ukrainian, Kazak, Moldovan, Belarusian, Polish and Romanian brothers and sisters.
8) Lastly, the Russian people have historically demonstrated a "cult of personality" toward their leaders which is unfettered. People starving in the Gulag would cry to Stalin... wishing that he only knew what was being done in his name. They are cultural monarchists, which suits me fine.
While India seems like the no-brainer choice to complete the empire that I started with China and Japan, I just can’t do it. Instead, I’m going to round out the D*****ian Federation with BRAZIL. TC, say hello to your new best friend, because Brazil has the largest Roman Catholic population in the world. Obvious reasons for this choice include:
I was going to take Brazil, so I will confess a nice selection by JD. Surprising that India is out there still, but really I am not impressed by the subcontinent. I am leaning in two directions right now, both have abundant oil supplies, both have significant impact on the regions they occupy, and both have a history of obeying either one man rule or a small oligarchy. I have decided that despite the greening of the world the fact is for the next 50 years oil will still dominate the world economy, therefore I am taking Saudi Arabia.
Positives
1) 25% of the worlds proven oil reserves.
2) Control of the Red Sea and Persian Gulf if properly motivated.
Negatives
1) Its a fucking desert. Really, Hot and dirty.
2) The Muslim issue. Not sure if being in control of the holy shrines is sitting on a keg of gunpowder or not.
3) History of terrorism and terrorist acts by a minority seeking change. Again, issues.
But to control the taps of this much oil that is easily extracted, I could not risk John shoring up Russia supplies with the Kingdom of Saud. This was strictly a strategic move.
To be fair, I like TC's idea behind the Vatican/Pope move but I think he overestimates the impact faith has on geopolitics. You might be able to rally people against abortion, gay marriage etc. but actual involvement in the governing of nations is minimal. The Pope may have served as a rallying point for eastern block citizens in he cold war but that was more symbolic then anything. With his England pick, I would say TC has decided to take over the weakest part of the former British Empire, if that was his plan he should have reclaimed either Canada or India instead of going for the symbolic title.
JD made three solid selections but will have limited influence outside of Asia. Brazil struggles with its infrastructure problems and South America is easily ignored. He will control Australia however, TC seems unaware of the critical trade needed between Australia and China/Japan and will find his bargaining power at trade talks very limited.
I admit that JS' sandwiching of France and Russia places Germany in a bind, I will need to cultivate strong US ties to limit his aggressions. I think the control of oil will help in that area. Plus maybe I can stabilize the mid-east with my presence.
JS: You are "not sure" if Germany being in control of the Muslim holy shrines is like sitting on a keg of gunpowder?
I am going to go ahead and say "yes" on that.
Good luck keeping that population under control. I pretty much figured we were avoiding the middle eastern countries under the unspoken agreement that any non-Muslim power exerted over that nation is doomed. Hey, I wish you the best. Good Luck, you are going to need it.
With that pick in the hopper, I am going to go with the country that TK should have taken...
JS Third Pick: Venezuela.
Venezuela has a history of accepting the lowest and most degenerate forms of government with a subservient and complacent tolerance. How well will they finally flourish under the beatific and benevolent rulership of Imperator Johannes Augustus Caesar? It will be their golden age. Also, if you check the stats, more Miss Universes have hailed from Venezuela than from anywhere else. Moreover, I figure that if the USA tolerates the crap that Chavez dishes out now because of their oil, they will tolerate my Spartification of France without a moments hesitation and, amazingly, we will become fast friends. With the final pick of Venezuela, not only have I shored up my control of the UN Security Council and placed my footprint squarely in the middle of the the G8, but, I am now a member of OPEC and have exerted my influence into both hemispheres. In an interesting turn of events, Kaiser TK and I seemingly now have some serious common interests... friend Kaiser, planning on joining me in St. Johannesburg this summer or should I meet with you at the Eagle's Nest in the Fall?